When it comes to the topic of marriage and the qualities that one should look for in a wife, there is one hadith in particular that is very well-known, which outlines four main things for which a woman is married: for her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her deen. It then advises us to choose the one possessing deen. However, there are many other ahadith which also give us indication of the type of woman we should be looking for when seeking to get married. The following are just a few of them.
May Allah ta’ala grant us all wives like these, and may He grant all the Muslim women husbands who are just as good.
(Note: don’t forget to read the ahadith at the end. That’s the most important part!)
What to Look for In a Wife
1) Someone who is strong in her deen, for that is the key to a successful marriage.
2) Someone who is pious, for she would then be your greatest source of pleasure.
3) Someone who would assist you in the affairs of your dunya and your deen, for that would be the greatest treasure you could ever hope to possess.
4) Someone who would help strengthen your imaan, for that is the best of wealth.
5) Someone who – when you look at her – you are pleased;
6) who obeys you when you command her;
7) and who guards herself and your wealth in your absence; for such are the best of all women.
8.) Someone who you find to be attractive, for chemistry and physical attraction is a necessary component of a successful marriage.
9) Someone who is a virgin, if you yourself are one, so that you could enjoy one another’s company.
10) Someone who is loving;
11) and is fertile; for procreation is one of the main reasons for marriage.
12) Someone who is gentle, for her gentleness is an adornment and beautification.
13) Someone who is modest, for the more modest she is, the more beautiful she is.
14) Someone who does not go about heavily perfumed so that she can attract the attention of men, for such women are adulteresses.
15) Someone who does not go about dressed but naked, for such women will not even smell the fragrance of Paradise let alone enter it.
16) Someone who is grateful for the good her husband does to her, for if she is not, then she has the characteristic which is the main reason for women being the majority of the people of the Fire.
17) Someone who is thankful for little, for if she is not thankful for the little she might get, she will not be thankful were she to receive a lot.
18) Someone who accepts that you are her shepherd and that she is part of your flock;
19) and who realises that her flock is the home of her husband; for in the world we’re living in, this manner of living is becoming more and more uncommon.
20) Someone who is aware of the high rank her husband has over her, for nowadays many are seemingly unaware of this.
(1): The Prophet (saw) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty and for her deen. So choose the one of deen. May your hands be covered in dust (i.e. may your marriage be successful)!” (Sahih Muslim)
(2): The Prophet (saw) said, “This whole world is enjoyment, and the best enjoyment of this world is a pious wife.” (Sahih Muslim)
(3): The Prophet (saw) said, “A thankful heart, a tongue engaged in the remembrance of Allah, and a pious wife who helps you in the affairs of your dunya and your deen, are the best of all treasures which people hoard.” (al-Jami’ as-Sagheer)
(4): Thawban (ra) related, “We were once on a journey with the Prophet (saw) when the verse was revealed, ‘And those who hoard gold and silver…’. Some of his Companions then said, ‘That which has been revealed concerning gold and silver has been revealed. If only we knew which wealth is best so that we could take possession of it!’ He replied, ‘The best of wealth is a tongue which engages in remembrance of Allah, a thankful heart, and a believing wife who assists her husband in strengthening his imaan.'” (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(5, 6 & 7): The Prophet (saw) said, “The best of women is the one who pleases you when you see her; who obeys you when you command her; and who guards herself and your wealth when you are away from her.” (al-Jami’ as-Sagheer)
(8.): Mughirah ibn Shu’bah (ra) related that he proposed to a woman. The Prophet (saw) instructed him, “Go and look at her, for that is best in ensuring lasting love between the two of you.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(9): Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah related, “The Prophet (saw) said to me, ‘Have you married, after [the death of] your father?’ ‘Yes,’ I replied. He asked, ‘A previously married woman or a maiden?’ ‘A previously married woman,’ I said. He said, ‘Why did you not marry a maiden, so that you could joke with her and she could joke with you; and you could play with her and she could play with you?'” (Sahih Muslim and Sunan Abu Dawud)
(10 & 11): The Prophet (saw) said, “Marry such women who are loving and fertile, for indeed I will through you outnumber the [nations of] of the other Prophets on the Day of Resurrection.” (Bulugh al-Maram)
(12): The Prophet (saw) said, “Indeed, gentleness is never part of something except that it beautifies it; and it is never removed from something except that it disfigures it.” (Sahih Muslim)
(13): The Prophet (saw) said, “Obscenity is never part of something except that it disfigures it; and modesty is never part of something except that it beautifies it.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(14): The Prophet (saw) said, “Every eye [which casts lustful glances] is a fornicator. And when a woman puts on perfume and then passes by a gathering, then she is such-and-such” i.e. a fornicator. (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(15): The Messenger of Allah (saw) said, “There are two categories of the people of the Fire whom I have not seen: a group who have whips like the tails of cattle with which they strike people; and women who are dressed but naked, who are deviant and cause others to deviate, with their heads looking like the humps of camels leaning to one side. They will not enter Paradise, nor even smell its fragrance, even though its fragrance can be discerned from such-and-such a distance.” (Sahih Muslim)
(16): The Prophet (saw) said, “I was shown the Fire, and I saw that most of its inhabitants were ungrateful women.” It was asked, “Are they ungrateful to Allah?” “They are ungrateful to their husbands,” he replied, “and are ungrateful for the good [done to them]. If you were to do good to one of them for all of time, and she then sees from you something [that she dislikes], she would say, ‘I have never seen any good from you, ever.'” (Sahih Bukhari)
(17): The Prophet (saw) said, “Whoever is not thankful for little, will not be thankful for much; and whoever doesn’t thank the people, doesn’t thank Allah. Speaking about the bounties of Allah is thankfulness, and failure to do so is ungratefulness. Unity is mercy and separation is punishment.” (at-Targhib wa at-Tarhib)
(18 & 19): The Prophet (saw) said, “Take heed! Each one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and is responsible for that; and a slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for that. So take heed! Each one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(20): The Prophet (saw) said, “If I had to command anyone to prostrate towards another person, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate towards her husband.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)